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Sports » uk.sport.football » A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour
| A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042942] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 15:29 |
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Teh Girls School Joke
---------------------
Right...
There's this Headmistress of a girls school, and she goes on a field trip
with her pupils - 300 schoolgirls.
They haven't actually booked any accomodation in advance, and so when they
arrive at their destination, they need to find somewhere to stay.
(Have you heard it before? No, good)
Anyway, they go to this Inn, and the Innkeeper says 'Well I'm very sorry,
headmistress, but we're a bit full tonight' - note the nice biblical
reference - 'We have accomodation for yourself and 200 of your schoolgirls,
but the remaining 100 will have to stay in the old barn.'
Well it's pretty late and they're in the middle of nowhere, so the
headmistress agrees,
Now in the middle of the night she hears a lot of noise - screaming and
banging and slashing and whathaveyou, and she goes outside to the old barn
to see that every single one of these 100 schoolgirls has been killed -
horribly mutilated and dismembered, it's a bloody and terrible sight (unless
you're into that sort of thing, obviously).
So the headmistress is pretty shocked by what she's seen in the old barn,
and when she emerges, she sees, in the distance, on the moors, a shadowy
bloodstained figure with a long sword and a rusty old axe.
'Hmmpph' she thinks to herself, 'we're not staying here another night.'
So the next day the headmistress and the remaining 200 schoolgirls continue
their field trip, studying wildlife and streams and so forth, and presently
they need to find somewhere to stay for another night.
Once again, the only place they can find is a desolate inn, and, by some
strange coincidence, it's also pretty full.
'I'm afraid we only have room for yourself and 100 schoolgirls', says the
innkeeper, 'the other 100 will have to stay in the old barn.'
And once again, in the middle of the night the beleagured headmistress is
awoken to the shrieks of young girls, and the sound of shredded flesh.
She goes out to the old barn and sees that every single one of the 100
schoolgirls has been horribly butchered and mutilated in a bloodbath of
abatoiral proportions.
Again, in the distance she notices the sinister figure, carrying a long,
bloodstained sword and a rusty old axe.
'Hmmpph' she thinks to herself, 'we're not staying here for another night
either.'
So the next day, the headmistress and the 100 surviving schoolgirls go off
into the woods to study their worms and shit, and once again, as dusk falls,
they need to find a place to stay.
This time, the inn that they find is really really full.
'We've only got one room', says the innkeeper, 'you can go in there,
headmistress, but the 100 schoolgirls will have to stay in the old barn.'
Unfortunately, tragedy befalls the party yet again, and in the middle of the
night the headmistress is disturbed by the disturbing sounds of a
disturbance.
She goes down to the old barn and sees that all of the schoolgirls have been
mutilated and killed once again, and once again, she sees the figure of a
man with a long sword and a rusty old axe.
'Right', she thinks, 'this time I really ought to do something about it'.
So she approaches the man standing on the moors.
'Oi', she says, 'have you been murdering all my girls?'
And the man shuffles about a bit, looks sheepishly from side to side, and
says 'Umm... nah, sorry love, I dunno what you're talking about'.
BTN
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042947 ] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 15:50 |
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Sir Benjamin Nunn wrote:
> And the man shuffles about a bit, looks sheepishly from side to side, and
> says 'Umm... nah, sorry love, I dunno what you're talking about'.
Nice one. Jokes about Home Office Ministers are very topical.
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042957 ] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 15:59 |
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"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4dlprgF1at52cU1 [at] individual.net...
> Teh Girls School Joke
> ---------------------
>
> Right...
>
> There's this Headmistress of a girls school, and she goes on a field trip
> with her pupils - 300 schoolgirls.
>
> They haven't actually booked any accomodation in advance, and so when they
> arrive at their destination, they need to find somewhere to stay.
>
> (Have you heard it before? No, good)
>
> Anyway, they go to this Inn, and the Innkeeper says 'Well I'm very sorry,
> headmistress, but we're a bit full tonight' - note the nice biblical
> reference - 'We have accomodation for yourself and 200 of your
schoolgirls,
> but the remaining 100 will have to stay in the old barn.'
>
> Well it's pretty late and they're in the middle of nowhere, so the
> headmistress agrees,
>
> Now in the middle of the night she hears a lot of noise - screaming and
> banging and slashing and whathaveyou, and she goes outside to the old barn
> to see that every single one of these 100 schoolgirls has been killed -
> horribly mutilated and dismembered, it's a bloody and terrible sight
(unless
> you're into that sort of thing, obviously).
>
> So the headmistress is pretty shocked by what she's seen in the old barn,
> and when she emerges, she sees, in the distance, on the moors, a shadowy
> bloodstained figure with a long sword and a rusty old axe.
>
> 'Hmmpph' she thinks to herself, 'we're not staying here another night.'
>
> So the next day the headmistress and the remaining 200 schoolgirls
continue
> their field trip, studying wildlife and streams and so forth, and
presently
> they need to find somewhere to stay for another night.
>
> Once again, the only place they can find is a desolate inn, and, by some
> strange coincidence, it's also pretty full.
>
> 'I'm afraid we only have room for yourself and 100 schoolgirls', says the
> innkeeper, 'the other 100 will have to stay in the old barn.'
>
> And once again, in the middle of the night the beleagured headmistress is
> awoken to the shrieks of young girls, and the sound of shredded flesh.
>
> She goes out to the old barn and sees that every single one of the 100
> schoolgirls has been horribly butchered and mutilated in a bloodbath of
> abatoiral proportions.
>
> Again, in the distance she notices the sinister figure, carrying a long,
> bloodstained sword and a rusty old axe.
>
> 'Hmmpph' she thinks to herself, 'we're not staying here for another night
> either.'
>
> So the next day, the headmistress and the 100 surviving schoolgirls go off
> into the woods to study their worms and shit, and once again, as dusk
falls,
> they need to find a place to stay.
>
> This time, the inn that they find is really really full.
>
> 'We've only got one room', says the innkeeper, 'you can go in there,
> headmistress, but the 100 schoolgirls will have to stay in the old barn.'
>
> Unfortunately, tragedy befalls the party yet again, and in the middle of
the
> night the headmistress is disturbed by the disturbing sounds of a
> disturbance.
>
> She goes down to the old barn and sees that all of the schoolgirls have
been
> mutilated and killed once again, and once again, she sees the figure of a
> man with a long sword and a rusty old axe.
>
> 'Right', she thinks, 'this time I really ought to do something about it'.
>
> So she approaches the man standing on the moors.
>
> 'Oi', she says, 'have you been murdering all my girls?'
>
> And the man shuffles about a bit, looks sheepishly from side to side, and
> says 'Umm... nah, sorry love, I dunno what you're talking about'.
>
>
Very good but i'm sure evryone would prefer more zoo orientated jokes maybe
also including dogs.
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042959 ] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 17:15 |
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"roondog" <roondog04 [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:e54doa$4ll$2 [at] news.anglia.ac.uk...
>
> Very good but i'm sure evryone would prefer more zoo orientated jokes
> maybe
> also including dogs.
What do you call a zoo with a dog in it?
BTN
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042961 ] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 17:42 |
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On Thu, 25 May 2006 16:15:13 +0100, "Sir Benjamin Nunn"
<bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote:
>
>"roondog" <roondog04 [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
>news:e54doa$4ll$2 [at] news.anglia.ac.uk...
>>
>> Very good but i'm sure evryone would prefer more zoo orientated jokes
>> maybe
>> also including dogs.
>
>
>What do you call a zoo with a dog in it?
>
>BTN
>
A zadogoo
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042968 ] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 18:11 |
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"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4dm01gF1bfsb7U1 [at] individual.net...
>
> "roondog" <roondog04 [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:e54doa$4ll$2 [at] news.anglia.ac.uk...
>>
>> Very good but i'm sure evryone would prefer more zoo orientated jokes
>> maybe also including dogs.
>
>
> What do you call a zoo with a dog in it?
Jason, or Shirley if it's a girl. Those are good names for a zoo.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042973 ] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 18:17 |
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"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4dlprgF1at52cU1 [at] individual.net...
> And the man shuffles about a bit, looks sheepishly from side to side, and
> says 'Umm... nah, sorry love, I dunno what you're talking about'.
Excellent stuff, Ben, one of my favourite stories ever. What happened next
though? Did you find another girlschool or just go back to normal life in
Ipswich?
The public, not to mention the judiciary system, have a right to know.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1042975 ] |
Thu, 25 May 2006 18:26 |
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"Joe Horowitz" <my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in message
news:xMkdg.209430$xt.152413 [at] fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> Excellent stuff, Ben, one of my favourite stories ever. What happened
> next though? Did you find another girlschool or just go back to normal
> life in Ipswich?
>
> The public, not to mention the judiciary system, have a right to know.
Yes, but they also have a right /not/ to know, so I'm not sure if I should
tell them or not.
BTN
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1043011 ] |
Fri, 26 May 2006 13:29 |
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"Joe Horowitz" <my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in message
news:iHkdg.209382$xt.116005 [at] fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
>
>>
>> What do you call a zoo with a dog in it?
>
> Jason, or Shirley if it's a girl. Those are good names for a zoo.
AWTWP. I don't know why they use such rubbishcunt names as they do in teh
reallife.
I went to a girl zoo while on holiday the other day. A very pretty young
girl zoo, she was, but unimaginatively named 'The San Diego Zoo' by her
parents. It upset me.
BTN
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| Re: A comedy joke of hilariously amusing humour [message #1043029 ] |
Fri, 26 May 2006 17:26 |
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On Thu, 25 May 2006 14:29:33 +0100, "Sir Benjamin Nunn"
<bennunn [at] depro.co.uk> wrote:
>Anyway, they go to this Inn, and the Innkeeper says 'Well I'm very sorry,
>headmistress, but we're a bit full tonight' - note the nice biblical
>reference
Remind me again, which book of the good book makes reference to
fisting?
>Well it's pretty late and they're in the middle of nowhere, so the
>headmistress agrees,
Completely unbelievable. In my experience headmistresses are almost to
a man the most disagreeable creatures ever.
>Now in the middle of the night she hears a lot of noise - screaming and
>banging and slashing and whathaveyou, and she goes outside to the old barn
>to see that every single one of these 100 schoolgirls has been killed -
>horribly mutilated and dismembered, it's a bloody and terrible sight (unless
>you're into that sort of thing, obviously).
Pfft, you are such a man. A little bit of blood never hurt anyone. In
fact we'd all be in a fine pickle without it.
>'Hmmpph' she thinks to herself, 'we're not staying here another night.'
See, I told you. Not just disagreeable, but a bloody whinger as well.
Don't trust headmistresses.
>And once again, in the middle of the night the beleagured headmistress is
>awoken to the shrieks of young girls, and the sound of shredded flesh.
Oh, so it's a story of lesbian love? Now you're talking.
>She goes out to the old barn and sees that every single one of the 100
>schoolgirls has been horribly butchered and mutilated in a bloodbath of
>abatoiral proportions.
I was horribly butchered and mutilated in a bloodbath of abattoirial
proportions once. I wouldn't do it again, obviously, but you've got to
be willing to try these things. You only live once[1].
>'Hmmpph' she thinks to herself, 'we're not staying here for another night
>either.'
Does history always repeat or what?
>So the next day, the headmistress and the 100 surviving schoolgirls go off
>into the woods to study their worms and shit, ....
Fuck that! Lure us in with fantastic tales of girl on girl shredfests,
and just when we think you're getting to the good bit, you throw
coprophilia and intestinal parasites at us.
Do go on...
>This time, the inn that they find is really really full.
Blimey. Is this the unluckiest headmistress ever?
>'Right', she thinks, 'this time I really ought to do something about it'.
....and lazy. Won't lift a stinky finger until push comes to shove.
Whining, disagreeable and lazy fuckers they are.
>So she approaches the man standing on the moors.
FFS. They're not all terrorists. No wonder the young people of today
are so intolerant....the dumb fucks.
>'Oi', she says, 'have you been murdering all my girls?'
Yeah, like that'll set his head a spinning and he'll cough straight
away. Whining, disagreeable, lazy and stupid.
>And the man shuffles about a bit, looks sheepishly from side to side, and
>says 'Umm... nah, sorry love, I dunno what you're talking about'.
Told ya. No, what she should have done was drag him into a badly lit
interview room, threaten him, carry out said threats, get the wan
girly one to try and soften him up with her lilting tones and low cut
top, and then, when all else fails, get Cracker in. You'll never get
to the root of these psycho-sexual thrillers without Cracker. The
crims are like putty in his big beefy hands.
[1]Maybe.
--
Dat
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