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Sports » uk.sport.football » [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC
| [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017477] |
Fri, 05 May 2006 21:20 |
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Hello, friends.
My name is Mikey Cunningham. I've been reading and posting to
UKSF for almost exactly eight years (13 days longer than Ben Nunn,
btw). Eight fucking years, eh? What a waste. Anyway, I digress.
You see, lots of things have changed in that time. Colligan got married
and had kids, Camel died, Vicky Conlan went and had two sons, Joe
took over the archive, Ben was knighted, Alasdair Allan became a
politician and I started a torrid love affair with young Ms. Crankshaw.
But amid all the changes of the last eight years (and before, because
it pre-dated my UKSF debut), one thing remained constant. We had
a weekly feature called When Saturday Comes. Written by the
amazingly dedicated Paul Chan, he was, as Robert Poleson so succintly
put it, "the one and only thing that makes this a football group".
Not that it only told you about football stuff. Oh, no. In 2002, WSC
went fucking mental. It became something akin to a weekly UKSF
talent show. It was the thread that gave us bizarrre, brilliant and
hilarious ramblings from Rob Poleson, Al Parkes, James Cook, Gra,
Dat, myself. and many more It was the thread that brought us Joe's
almost impossibly brilliant Big Ron and Gra's now legendary 'Portishead'
gag.
I really can't recommend checking out those WSC threads throughout
the 02/03 season highly enough. They were great. Undoubtedly WSC's
peak. And since then, with the exception of Chopsy's ridiculously
impressive 5-month stint in charge, WSC has been unable to recreate
the glory years.
Thus, my friends, the time has come. It's my pleasure and privelege to
present to you all the last ever WSC.
This is -- and always will be -- Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC.
Note: It's strongly recommended that you listen to something emotive
and with an end-of-term feel as you read this WSC. You know the
sort of thing -- "Everybody's Changing" by Keane, "The Scientist" by
Coldplay, "Ashes" by Embrace. Something that gets played over sad
musical montages.
--
Paul always loved kicking off with the news of the week, the little scamp.
In his honour, I'll do likewise.
News:
Well, it's been a week dominated by a foot and a bit of a bellend.
Wayne Rooney died after breaking a bone in his foot last Saturday,
sending all of England into a week of mourning. Well, that's certainly
the impression I got while reading the papers. "It's a tragedy", "It's a
catastrophe", "It's the end of the world", cried the tabloids and a
couple of the supposedly more serious papers, too. England's great
chance to win the World Cup has evaporated because one of their
best players might not make it. Far be it from this WSC writer to
suggest that if a team was that dependent on one 20-year-old, they
might just have been a bit fucked anyway. Having said that, I'm
still going to back them to win it. I'm just hoping my local bookie
accepts Youks. I've got fucking loads of the bastards.
In other news this week, Steve McClaren got a new job. Leaving
his dead-end job in the FNE, he's got himself a plush new office job
in London. The big pay-rise and the fact that he'll only have to work
about twelve days a year may have been a factor in his decision.
In the only other news this week, WSC ended and I moved house.
Nowhere near as stressful as they say. Moving house isn't so bad,
either.
--
And then God said: Let there be fixtures. And team news. And
a form guide. And a prediction. And Chan made them happen.
==
Arsenal vs Wigan
It's perhaps fitting that the final WSC takes place at the same time
as the final game at Highbury. Highbury has, of course, always been
the spirtual home of WSC, ever since Chan wrote the first ever WSC
in the famed marble halls of the old ground back in 1931.
Actually, I'm getting a bit mixed up there. He wrote it at home. In
1997. My mistake.
Anyway, I always think of Chopsy when I think of Wigan. And what
a contribution the great man made to WSC. Throwing sense to the
wind, Chopsy promised to write every WSC up to Christmas if his
beloved pie-eaters got promoted last season. I can't help thinking
that in his moment of glory last season, as his side clinched promotion,
he must have been thinking to himself, "What the fuck have I got myself
into?" Good times.
And Arsenal. Their contribution to WSC has been James Cook. The
well-known ABMer is perhaps best remembered for starting the "Ye
olde football match gag" when The Wanderers played The Albion. Joe
then did the same gag the following week, followed by me the week after.
Whose turn is it this week, btw?
2-1
==
Aston Villa vs Sunderland
Know what was great? Rob Poleson's WSC posts. He used to tell
us stuff about Grandad Poleson and he also brought us the magnificent
Poleson's Past Poster Paragraph. That was a hell of a thing. I even
got featured in that myself. Good times. Poleson was also the
inspiration behind my famous Poleson Paragraph, which was essentially
a paragraph about Poleson. So, yeah, when people ask you what's
so great about Poleson, the answer is stuff like that.
0-0
==
Blackburn vs Manchester City
Allen Parkes. Or "The A-Train", as he's known to his friends. Did
you know that the great man made his name in WSC? Absolutely
true. A newbie so clueless that he made Ben Nunn seem like a
veteran, Al Parkes became a man thanks to WSC. His random
utterances every Friday were a joy to behold. Man, I miss Parkes.
The only two times he ever got it wrong were in his weekly
recommendations. "Warm your shower gel before you apply it",
he said, one particularly chilly Friday. What kind of recommendation
is that, eh? Still, compared to the time he went to a Nickelback gig
and then proceeded to recommend that we all do likewise, it was
a positively inspiring word of advice. Yeah, I miss Parkes. Good
times.
3-0
==
Bolton vs Birmingham
Know what was pretty cool? The way that WSC allowed all sorts
of clueless newbies to hit the UKSF big time. The likes of Gra,
TMAK and Cypher could easily have turned into James Farrars
if it hadn't been for WSC. And what of Osbourne Ruddock? Without
his WSC alert gig, I dread to think where his career would currently
be. No, WSC has been good to us. We shouldn't forget that.
We should also consider new ways that we could replace WSC.
I'll leave it with you all.
2-1
==
Everton vs West Brom
There's one thing I've actively disliked about WSC throughout its
existence -- Too much Everton. Levels of Everton have been far
too high in WSC. In an ideal world, there should be approximately
0% Everton and yet, in WSC's history, there's been about 5%
every week. That's something I asked Chan to take a look at many
years ago but he never got around to fixing it. And to be honest,
at this stage, it's starting to look like he never will. Shame, that.
0-0
==
Fulham vs Middlesbrough
Know what I always liked about WSC? I always liked how Vicky
only ever predicted a win for Liverpool. Regardless of who they
were playing. As if forecasting anything else would be somehow
treacherous. Iirc, she once even called me a traitor for predicting
a Liverpool draw against Sheffield Wednesday. And, to be fair,
she was right. We won 2-1. Bitch.
3-2
==
Manchester United vs Charlton
Man Utd gave us Red Devil. Charlton gave us Horowitz.
And people wonder why the cunts are so unpopular.
Joe Horowitz is the man who first inked the contract that brought
Big Ron to WSC. It was an incredible coup at the time and Ron
went on to become one of the most popular characters in UKSF
history. He churned that bastard out for 36 weeks across the
02/03 season. _Thirty-six_ weeks. What an effort.
He's in a home now.
I once forwarded a Big Ron post on to a non-UKSF friend of
mine. He loved it.
He's in a home now, too.
Still, we can always relive the glory days. Here's Ron's preview
of Man City vs West Brom from January 2003.
Man City vs West Brom
The writing's on the cake for West Brom now, and a Robbie Fowler/ Nicola
Anelka OB-B partnership could be the straw that sends the camel back to
division one. Megson might want to throw in the trowel after this game, and
a typically smug Kevin Keegan will no doubt say something mind-blowingly
pointless about it all. I asked Tenor Fly from the Freestylers if he agreed
with me that Kevin Keegan is a right pranny, and do you know what he said?
"You might frighten dem but you don't frighten we, Ron, because de boomtune
a play and dem feel alright. We a ghetto soldier."
I'm going to take that as a yes.
2-0
==
Newcastle vs Chelsea
Remember how we all used to recommend stuff in our WSCs?
That was some good stuff. I loved that. It was like a little insight
into people's souls. And sometimes it was a bit scary but mostly, it
was pretty cool. That's a tradition we should keep alive in some
form. We should also keep alive that little tradition of ours of taking
pictures of our penises and sending them to Ben under the guise of
various Premiership footballers.
I quite like that one.
1-1
==
Portsmouth vs Liverpool
I've done a lot of stuff on UKSF. Some great, some shit. But the
thing I'm most proud of -- and the thing I'd like to have on my
headstone -- is the time I reinvented WSC by accident. Allow
me to explain.
On the last day of the 01/02 season, I was down for WSC duty
in Chan's absence. And I filled in, alright. It's just that I didn't
really focus on the football side of things. As is my way, I kind
of rambled. About nothing, really. And then when the new
season started, I rambled some more. And then Joe got Big
Ron to ramble. And then Al Parkes rambled. And then
everyone started rambling. It was fucking fantastic. My
favourite UKSF endeavour ever, probably. I'm dead proud
of that.
1-2
==
West Ham vs Tottenham
It's times like this that I wonder what the future holds for UKSF.
Is the death of WSC a sign of things to come? Will it continue
on forever? Will we all start communicating via some futuristic
voice-based system that's incorporated into our hoverboards.
Or will we all just slowly morph into Skyjam.
I think I'd like that.
2-2
==
So, yeah, that's about it. WSC has been a pretty integral part
of the froup for almost an entire decade but I think we'd all agree
it's time to try something different. And, in a way, the SBL has
already served as a replacement of sorts this season. Maybe
we just need to come up with a format for newcomers to show
what clever bastards they are, or something.
Cheers again to the now departed Paul Chan for starting this
thing. It's been a pleasure.
--
Mike
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017478 ] |
Fri, 05 May 2006 21:52 |
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Michael Cunningham wrote:
> ==
> Arsenal vs Wigan
> 2-1
>
> ==
> West Ham vs Tottenham
> 2-2
>
So that's the 4th Champions League spot for Arsenal then.
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017481 ] |
Fri, 05 May 2006 22:31 |
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On Fri, 5 May 2006 20:20:12 +0100, Michael Cunningham presented
this to uk.sport.football:
> Hello, friends.
>
Hi there.
> My name is Mikey Cunningham. I've been reading and posting to
> UKSF for almost exactly eight years (13 days longer than Ben Nunn,
> btw). Eight fucking years, eh? What a waste. Anyway, I digress.
> You see, lots of things have changed in that time. Colligan got married
> and had kids, Camel died, Vicky Conlan went and had two sons, Joe
> took over the archive, Ben was knighted, Alasdair Allan became a
> politician and I started a torrid love affair with young Ms. Crankshaw.
>
All that and so much more. I remember one time when Ben was of
on one of his crazy Jamborees and he only went and missed his
train, silly billy. What he doesn't know is that if he had made
that train he would have ended up sat next to a Girl Who Would
Have Liked Him and she was just dying to meet an ex-gay to
settle down with and have babies and weddings'n'shit.
> But amid all the changes of the last eight years (and before, because
> it pre-dated my UKSF debut), one thing remained constant. We had
> a weekly feature called When Saturday Comes. Written by the
> amazingly dedicated Paul Chan, he was, as Robert Poleson so succintly
> put it, "the one and only thing that makes this a football group".
>
I couldn't have put it better myself.
> Not that it only told you about football stuff. Oh, no. In 2002, WSC
> went fucking mental. It became something akin to a weekly UKSF
> talent show. It was the thread that gave us bizarrre, brilliant and
> hilarious ramblings from Rob Poleson, Al Parkes, James Cook, Gra,
> Dat, myself. and many more It was the thread that brought us Joe's
> almost impossibly brilliant Big Ron and Gra's now legendary 'Portishead'
> gag.
>
> I really can't recommend checking out those WSC threads throughout
> the 02/03 season highly enough. They were great. Undoubtedly WSC's
> peak. And since then, with the exception of Chopsy's ridiculously
> impressive 5-month stint in charge, WSC has been unable to recreate
> the glory years.
>
I can only agree with all that you say here.
> Thus, my friends, the time has come. It's my pleasure and privelege to
> present to you all the last ever WSC.
>
> This is -- and always will be -- Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC.
>
*wipes tear from eye*
> Note: It's strongly recommended that you listen to something emotive
> and with an end-of-term feel as you read this WSC. You know the
> sort of thing -- "Everybody's Changing" by Keane, "The Scientist" by
> Coldplay, "Ashes" by Embrace. Something that gets played over sad
> musical montages.
>
*sticks on Black Sabbath*
> ==
> Aston Villa vs Sunderland
>
> Know what was great? Rob Poleson's WSC posts. He used to tell
> us stuff about Grandad Poleson and he also brought us the magnificent
> Poleson's Past Poster Paragraph. That was a hell of a thing. I even
> got featured in that myself. Good times. Poleson was also the
> inspiration behind my famous Poleson Paragraph, which was essentially
> a paragraph about Poleson. So, yeah, when people ask you what's
> so great about Poleson, the answer is stuff like that.
>
You could be onto something there, Mike.
> ==
> Bolton vs Birmingham
>
> Know what was pretty cool? The way that WSC allowed all sorts
> of clueless newbies to hit the UKSF big time. The likes of Gra,
> TMAK and Cypher could easily have turned into James Farrars
> if it hadn't been for WSC. And what of Osbourne Ruddock? Without
> his WSC alert gig, I dread to think where his career would currently
> be. No, WSC has been good to us. We shouldn't forget that.
>
Maybe we should erect a statue in memory of WSC, it could be 84
feet tall and modeled on btnpierced.jpg, I'd like that.
> We should also consider new ways that we could replace WSC.
> I'll leave it with you all.
>
I recommend covering it with a towel while you're replacing it,
I burned the fuck out of my thumb last time I tried it without a
towel.
> ==
> Everton vs West Brom
>
> There's one thing I've actively disliked about WSC throughout its
> existence -- Too much Everton. Levels of Everton have been far
> too high in WSC. In an ideal world, there should be approximately
> 0% Everton and yet, in WSC's history, there's been about 5%
> every week. That's something I asked Chan to take a look at many
> years ago but he never got around to fixing it. And to be honest,
> at this stage, it's starting to look like he never will. Shame, that.
>
While I respect and understand your dislike of Everton let us
never forget some of the truly memorable posters they have given
us. From complete fucking spaztards like Harald Sjoo and John
Burn's to decent cunts like Moog and legends-in-the-making like
Tony McChrystal. For all their faults, UKSF would have been a
completely different place with naught percent Everton.
> ==
> Manchester United vs Charlton
>
> Man Utd gave us Red Devil. Charlton gave us Horowitz.
>
> And people wonder why the cunts are so unpopular.
>
> Joe Horowitz is the man who first inked the contract that brought
> Big Ron to WSC. It was an incredible coup at the time and Ron
> went on to become one of the most popular characters in UKSF
> history. He churned that bastard out for 36 weeks across the
> 02/03 season. _Thirty-six_ weeks. What an effort.
>
I think there's probably something wrong with him. Certainly not
all there.
> ==
> Newcastle vs Chelsea
>
> Remember how we all used to recommend stuff in our WSCs?
> That was some good stuff. I loved that. It was like a little insight
> into people's souls. And sometimes it was a bit scary but mostly, it
> was pretty cool. That's a tradition we should keep alive in some
> form.
One of my favourite WSC memories was when I recommended soft
porn TV programme, Knockout Babes one week then the next week I
did my entire WSC in Cat language only to have Mikey reply, "I
liked it better when you were recommending porn." In those days
WSC was almost like an ongoing soap opera or sit-com.
> We should also keep alive that little tradition of ours of taking
> pictures of our penises and sending them to Ben under the guise of
> various Premiership footballers.
>
> I quite like that one.
>
TBH it is only Conlan's penis, just photographed from different
angles and at different stages of arousal, BYPS.
> ==
> Portsmouth vs Liverpool
>
> I've done a lot of stuff on UKSF. Some great, some shit. But the
> thing I'm most proud of -- and the thing I'd like to have on my
> headstone -- is the time I reinvented WSC by accident. Allow
> me to explain.
>
> On the last day of the 01/02 season, I was down for WSC duty
> in Chan's absence. And I filled in, alright. It's just that I didn't
> really focus on the football side of things. As is my way, I kind
> of rambled. About nothing, really. And then when the new
> season started, I rambled some more. And then Joe got Big
> Ron to ramble. And then Al Parkes rambled. And then
> everyone started rambling. It was fucking fantastic. My
> favourite UKSF endeavour ever, probably. I'm dead proud
> of that.
>
You did all that? Was it Colligan that started the recommending
stuff craze, then?
Still, kudos for the rambling, it inspired some of my own best
work.
> ==
> So, yeah, that's about it. WSC has been a pretty integral part
> of the froup for almost an entire decade but I think we'd all agree
> it's time to try something different. And, in a way, the SBL has
> already served as a replacement of sorts this season. Maybe
> we just need to come up with a format for newcomers to show
> what clever bastards they are, or something.
>
Maybe.
> Cheers again to the now departed Paul Chan for starting this
> thing. It's been a pleasure.
>
You said a mouthful, Mike. You said a mouthful.
Peace!
--
poleson at gmail dot com
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017486 ] |
Fri, 05 May 2006 23:34 |
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"Nigel" <useweb [at] nospam.com> wrote in message
news:445bad14$0$2564$ed2619ec [at] ptn-nntp-reader02.plus.net...
> Michael Cunningham wrote:
>
>> ==
>> Arsenal vs Wigan
>> 2-1
>>
>> ==
>> West Ham vs Tottenham
>> 2-2
>>
>
> So that's the 4th Champions League spot for Arsenal then.
And people say WSC is dying.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017491 ] |
Sat, 06 May 2006 00:43 |
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On Fri, 5 May 2006 20:20:12 +0100, "Michael Cunningham"
<superman [at] spamxxblockuksf.org.uk> wrote:
[snip a marvellous trip down memory lane and beyond]
That was so beautiful it would almost make one believe that Mikey
wasn't a cunt.
Now THAT is beauty of the highest order.
M
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017533 ] |
Sat, 06 May 2006 18:35 |
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On Fri, 5 May 2006 20:20:12 +0100, "Michael Cunningham"
<superman [at] spamxxblockuksf.org.uk> wrote:
>But amid all the changes of the last eight years (and before, because
>it pre-dated my UKSF debut), one thing remained constant. We had
>a weekly feature called When Saturday Comes. Written by the
>amazingly dedicated Paul Chan, he was, as Robert Poleson so succintly
>put it, "the one and only thing that makes this a football group".
It wasn't until everyone got to have a turn at emulating him that we
realized just how extraordinary his efforts in keeping it going for so
long were. Like so many legends, he shouldn't have had to die to make
it clear....clear that he was a living legend that is. RIP Paul.
>I really can't recommend checking out those WSC threads throughout
>the 02/03 season highly enough. They were great. Undoubtedly WSC's
>peak. And since then, with the exception of Chopsy's ridiculously
>impressive 5-month stint in charge, WSC has been unable to recreate
>the glory years.
Yeah but they'll return. It's cyclical, like fashion, or football
even. It might disappear from Match of the Day for a while, but once
it's got its act together again down there in the gut leagues, it'll
be back bigger and better than ever before. Mark my words.
>Thus, my friends, the time has come. It's my pleasure and privelege to
>present to you all the last ever WSC.
.....or not.
>Note: It's strongly recommended that you listen to something emotive
>and with an end-of-term feel as you read this WSC.
Right, Meshuggah it is. That'll kill two birds with one spin.
>Arsenal vs Wigan
>Anyway, I always think of Chopsy when I think of Wigan.
They always bring memories of Peter Godfrey flooding back in for me. I
don't know why cos he didn't really get Wigan at all.
>And Arsenal. Their contribution to WSC has been James Cook.
Did Doggo ever participate in the preSaturday excitement?
>2-1
1-1 going into the final fifteen when news arrives that Spurs have
jumped to a three goal lead in the last couple of minutes. Typically
the Gunners' bundle is dropped as quickly as their bottom lips and
Wanderers of Wigan take full advantage. 1-2
>==
>Aston Villa vs Sunderland
>
>Know what was great? Rob Poleson's WSC posts.
I think there may be a superfluous "'s WSC posts" in there somewhere.
Poleson is the anti-WSC. He started off as a wee bairn somewhere in
the stratosphere and has maintained an upward trajectory ever since.
I always think of nothing whenever Villa are mentioned. Kinda apt
really.
Sunderland otoh are cobwebs of broken legs, morons, and a total humour
vacuum, the adverts for which arrive by snailmail. I don't know what
Hillman saw in them.
>0-0
Agree. Why go out with a bang when you can slide back into the
primordial ooze from whence you came with no one being any the wiser.
Are Villa still here?
>==
>Blackburn vs Manchester City
>
>Allen Parkes. Or "The A-Train", as he's known to his friends.
What, the friends that convinced him that he shouldn't call himself
The A-Train anymore because it wasn't a proper name and he then had to
make up a name that cuntformed to the expected standard and luckily he
had the foresight to see that Allen Train wouldn't be acceptable
either?
It's just dawned on me that there seem to be an awful lot of teams in
the premiership that nobody has ever supported. Seems a bit pointless
them being there really.
Er, one of my mates reckons he's a City supporter, but he looks shite
in sky blue, so I don't believe him.
>3-0
0-0 for mine. Everything possible has already been achieved.
>==
>Bolton vs Birmingham
>We should also consider new ways that we could replace WSC.
>I'll leave it with you all.
How about we each take it in turns to post a tune that moves us in a
special way and then everyone else can shoot poor Norah Jones down in
flames?
Ah, now here's a match that still has meaning. If the Brummiecunts are
to have any hope of staying up, they'll be looking to take about ten
points home from this encounter.
I can feel another RIP coming on...
Quite.
Shirt.
Indeed.
The Penis.
Mikey Baiting
The Fudge Fish
>2-1
Reverse that for me. They beat 'em last month and Bruce the Bruce
won't want to see his Birminghams bowing out like bums.
>==
>Everton vs West Brom
>
>There's one thing I've actively disliked about WSC throughout its
>existence -- Too much Everton. Levels of Everton have been far
>too high in WSC.
Disagree. You can never have enough TMAK and the surest way of luring
him in is to leave a pierced can of old Everton dangling in the water
and give it a rattle every so often so that he can follow the scent.
Which reminds me, the recent change in regulations means that you have
to return sub-183cm McChrystals to the water or face a stiff penalty.
>0-0
Nothing to play for, but as you so correctly highlighted, Everton are
good for nothing. 1-0 due to a stiff penalty.
>==
>Fulham vs Middlesbrough
>
>Know what I always liked about WSC? I always liked how Vicky
>only ever predicted a win for Liverpool.
I remember that. Ben tired of her nonsense, didn't he?
Not a single follower of Fulham springs to mind, but how could we
forget old...um......the old er......Oh fuck, you know the bloke. Came
from Scotland, rode a pushie, played bass. What was his name?
Oh yes. ? That's what he called himself. Good old ?
>3-2
Only one side is coming to this party. 2-0
>==
>Manchester United vs Charlton
>
>Man Utd gave us Red Devil. Charlton gave us Horowitz.
>
>And people wonder why the cunts are so unpopular.
RedEvil continues to make friends and influence people over on RSS.
What's Horowitz ever done?
>Joe Horowitz is the man who first inked the contract that brought
>Big Ron to WSC.
Yeah, ok. Big Ron was cool, but besides him, what has Horowitz ever
done for us?
When I think of Man Utd I think of your McQueens and your Jordans and
your wee Stevie Coppells. But those cunts are too good to post here,
aren't they?
Just as well we've been blessed with Snaps, Camel and Sid then.
>2-0
Nah. 0-0 will see United's end of season crumbling in Charltonesque
style.
>==
>Newcastle vs Chelsea
>
>Remember how we all used to recommend stuff in our WSCs?
>That was some good stuff. I loved that. It was like a little insight
>into people's souls. And sometimes it was a bit scary but mostly, it
>was pretty cool. That's a tradition we should keep alive in some
>form.
Ok. I had the pleasure of witnessing the Beasts of Bourbon in full
flight at the recent Big Day Out. They were fantastic and reminded me
of just about everything that is great about live music on a day which
up until that point hadn't been what you'd describe as the bdoml. So
good in fact that I expect to be catching up with them again in a
couple of weeks.
They might prove a little hard to swallow for some however, so I'll
just recommend Tex Perkins. He can wail, and he can rant, and he can
croon and take you by the ears and relieve the melancholy, and he
always tends to bring some wonderful musicians with him wherever he
goes.
Paul Louis, Julie and Ron. They'll always spell Newcastle to me :)))))
>1-1
Probably. Northern pride strikes early and everyone is hopeful of
ending up united until five minutes from time when it starts raining
Robbens and Drogbas.
>==
>Portsmouth vs Liverpool
>
>I've done a lot of stuff on UKSF. Some great, some shit.
I think you'll be remembered more for the former. Other than the jazz
dancing I'm struggling to recall a time when you took a shit.
Too many Pool fans to mention. If you happen to spy a big cock or a G,
then it's a safe bet that they're one.
Conversely, Portsmouth have only ever been represented on here by the
ever so slightly mad looking Harry Redknapp who it won't surprise
anyone to learn posted under the pseudonyms Skyjam and Stuart Vincent
as the mood took him.
I shall always fondly remember the time he tried to rope us all into
playing a new fantasy football competition where we had to come up
with silly names like Kullrad Hellbar and then he'd assign real
football relevant attributes to us like you've got knobbly knees, or
you can only leap downwards to head the ball. It was a time of great
excitement...until the actual game started that is.
The problem was it moved too slowly and no one knew what they were
meant to be doing, much like Portsmouth for much of this season as it
happens.
Robert Poleson, or Spazzmong Mingmong as we had to call him in Teh
Gheyme, would try to pass square to Joe who went under the tag of
Horrorwitz the Horrible, but then Skyjam would tell him that he didn't
have the ball and therefore could not pass it, so Rob would try to
tackle the oncoming Treacherous Teatotaller (or JdS before he passed
into the underpatiorealm) and Skyjam would inform him that he couldn't
do that either as Teatotaller was floating five feet above the pitch
in a world that we could see into if we crinkled up our eyes, but in
which he thought he was completely invisible or some shite.
In the end each player by turn just told Skyjam to fuck off, and he
did. He went to Southampton, apparently.
>1-2
Liverpool are trying to fill a void that isn't there and Portsmouth
have just escaped falling into the abyss with a Balrog and Sunderland,
proving that the more things change, the more they stay the same.
>==
>West Ham vs Tottenham
>
>It's times like this that I wonder what the future holds for UKSF.
>Is the death of WSC a sign of things to come?
No. The death of WSC was a sign of things past. It has now risen from
the ashes and blinds us with its beauty. Unfortunately such damage is
permanent and from here on in she'll be able to see us but we won't be
able to see her....sitting in the corner, crying....alone.
Doc Gonzo, Vlad the Impala, and more recently everyone's favourite,
Oswald Ruddock. Is it compulsory to be a ginger if you support the
Hummers? And hum along they have. They won't here though cos they'll
be saving the singing for next week.
>2-2
0-4
>... Maybe
>we just need to come up with a format for newcomers to show
>what clever bastards they are, or something.
Whatever happened to freestyle clever bastardry?
>Cheers again to the now departed Paul Chan for starting this
>thing.
Legend. We'll never see his likes again, and we'll all be the poorer
for it. He had great likes.
> It's been a pleasure.
It has in an oh yeah I remember that kinda way. In another it had the
tears falling freely. I don't like that. Real cunts don't weep.
Thanks for taking us down Misty Water-Coloured Memory lane one last
time, Mikey.
--
Dat
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017546 ] |
Sun, 07 May 2006 01:10 |
|
You know, I haven't posted my predictions since Kullrad was a cunt.
But now he's a dead cunt. So you can all fuck off.
According to <superman [at] spamxxblockuksf.org.uk>:
>Arsenal vs Wigan
>2-1
1-1
>Aston Villa vs Sunderland
>0-0
0-0
>Blackburn vs Manchester City
>3-0
1-1
>Bolton vs Birmingham
>2-1
1-0
>Everton vs West Brom
>0-0
1-1
>Fulham vs Middlesbrough
>3-2
2-1
>Manchester United vs Charlton
>2-0
1-1 (please)
>Newcastle vs Chelsea
>1-1
1-3
>Portsmouth vs Liverpool
>1-2
1-2
>West Ham vs Tottenham
>2-2
1-2
--
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017547 ] |
Sun, 07 May 2006 02:47 |
|
"Dat" <dat_004 [at] yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
news:naip52duvvr48i4d2vh51a98hetf3ld2ae [at] 4ax.com...
> Yeah, ok. Big Ron was cool, but besides him, what has Horowitz ever
> done for us?
I got Elvis to sing the theme tune for the SBL, and provide running
commentary throughout the competition from beyond the grave. That was quite
cool, wasn't it?
> Conversely, Portsmouth have only ever been represented on here by the
> ever so slightly mad looking Harry Redknapp who it won't surprise
> anyone to learn posted under the pseudonyms Skyjam and Stuart Vincent
> as the mood took him.
And Cypher. Never forget Cypher.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017548 ] |
Sun, 07 May 2006 03:36 |
|
"Michael Cunningham" <superman [at] spamxxblockuksf.org.uk> wrote in message
news:BAN6g.8762$j7.304706 [at] news.indigo.ie...
> Hello, friends.
Mikey, this was a work of quite exquisite beauty. I laughed, I cried, I
came (three times) and I gagged slightly at one point, but it wasn't
unpleasant. Thank-you.
> ==
> Arsenal vs Wigan
I remember when James Cook was a proper poster. I remember when Chopsy was
called Stephen Grant.
Good times.
3-1
> ==
> Aston Villa vs Sunderland
I remember when Sunderland were the worst team ever in the Premiership, a
record which stood until this season. Rubbish times.
0-1
> ==
> Blackburn vs Manchester City
>
> Allen Parkes. Or "The A-Train", as he's known to his friends.
I miss Parkesy too. I remembe when Alan complained that people spelled his
name wrong, so everyone called him all different shit for a while, anything
beginning with A. Albert, Abigail, Ahjgy#63// and the suchlike.
Missing times.
> 3-0
Quite.
> ==
> Bolton vs Birmingham
I remember when Kullrad was alive. Kullrad was made of Very Heavy Metal and
was not technically a proper poster but I liked him anyway.
Thrash times. \m/
2-0
==
> Everton vs West Brom
I remember when TonyMac first burst onto the scene, I think it may even have
been in the Lurker Day thread, and what a storming debut it was. Much
better than mine. Or anyone else's. TonyMac's one of the only people ever
on Youksef I like even more than me.
Utterly brilliant times.
1-2
> ==
> Fulham vs Middlesbrough
I remember when Tommocubed split up with his wife, then moved to the country
and pulled a new bird with big jugs and couldn't be fucked with us lot
anymore because of the big jugs.
Nunnxclusive times.
2-2
> ==
> Manchester United vs Charlton
>
> Joe Horowitz is the man who first inked the contract that brought
> Big Ron to WSC. It was an incredible coup at the time and Ron
> went on to become one of the most popular characters in UKSF
> history. He churned that bastard out for 36 weeks across the
> 02/03 season. _Thirty-six_ weeks. What an effort.
>
> He's in a home now.
Yes, yes I am. I think it was all for the best though.
> Still, we can always relive the glory days. Here's Ron's preview
> of Man City vs West Brom from January 2003.
I liked when Ron said 'is it a pig?'
Bewildered times.
4-0
> ==
> Newcastle vs Chelsea
I remember Paul Chan, who designed, marketed and wrote many a WSC, including
the first one which was the most important one in a way, after this one. He
quite liked Chelsea didn't he? And Julie J liked Newcastle, but she was a
bit rubbish and Ben tired of her nonsense.
Historic and misty-eyed watercolour times.
> 1-1
>
> ==
> Portsmouth vs Liverpool
So many great names in this match-up. On the one side, Cypher. On the
other, Miky, Vicky, Oscar G, Steve H and some other cunts. If it were
bare-knuckle fighting my money would be on Cypher. Or Vicky. All in all,
though, we have an awful lot to thank these two teams for in newsfroup
terms. Not least of which, my OB-B. Mikey is the main reason I started
posting here full-time, true story. He was manager of the XI, he signed me
from a struggling gut-league newsfroup and propelled me to the big-time on
the crest of a wave of fatherly support.
Vicky was more like the stroppy domineering mother who made me do my
homework and slapped me when I farted, although I thank her for it in
retrospect. It was all character building.
Oscar G introduced me to some great music, spun a good porno-yarn or two and
beat me to the Yahoo title. Steve H is the greatest Superheores player ever
and also beat me to the title. Cypher was brilliant in many ways but never
beat me to the title and for that I thank him.
Grateful times.
0-2
> ==
> West Ham vs Tottenham
I remember Victoria Barrett, she was sexy. I remember Osbourne Ruddock,
he's even sexier and is still here, so West Ham win this one for me.
Although they did give us Doc Gonz-zero as well who's a bit rubbish these
days.
Boombastic times.
1-2
> ==
> So, yeah, that's about it.
Gutted. This whole 'club allegiance' thing I just did was a bit limiting
really, I never got to mention some of the most important posters. Like Ben
Nunn, I remember when he did all sorts of crazy things. He was great. I
wish he never killed himself, although sometimes wonder if I partly drove
him to it. Bleeding alone times.
And Poleson, he's, like, god'n'shit. If Youksef has a religion, and it
does, it's Robert Poleson, and it is. A religion that actively encourages
drug-taking and free love, but not in teh ghey hippy way. More of a
pragmatic kind of 'just do whatever the fuck you want, it's none of my
business. Give me a shout if you need any questions answering, I'm going
for a nap' sort of way. Really, it's the best religion ever, and will one
day, along with Benomads, bring peace and tranquility to this troubled world
of ours. Omnipotent times.
And Dat, who is like a brother to me in a very real way, not to mention
powerful and erotic, and like a brother. We came up through the youth
system together, but I was always cockier and pushier and I rocketed to
stardom much quicker. But I didn't leave him behind, oh no. I always felt,
deep down, that he was the better poster, I always believed in him and I put
him straight into my first team for every game I managed. And I stand by
that, he's our star striker these days. Vindicated times.
Too many memories, and now they're dead. They're all dead.
Except the ones who aren't.
Alive times.
> Cheers again to the now departed Paul Chan for starting this
> thing. It's been a pleasure.
You did a lovely job, Mikey. I'm glad it was you who wrote the last one.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017586 ] |
Mon, 08 May 2006 06:33 |
|
Dat <dat_004 [at] yahoo.co.uk> wrote in
news:naip52duvvr48i4d2vh51a98hetf3ld2ae [at] 4ax.com:
>>==
>>West Ham vs Tottenham
<snip>
> Doc Gonzo, Vlad the Impala, and more recently everyone's favourite,
> Oswald Ruddock. Is it compulsory to be a ginger if you support the
> Hummers? And hum along they have. They won't here though cos they'll
> be saving the singing for next week.
>
>>2-2
>
> 0-4
>
Fuxake Dat, did I pooh in your bed or something? You call me a ginger and
then predict a score like that.
Why do you hate me so much?
--
Cheers, Os
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017602 ] |
Mon, 08 May 2006 08:13 |
|
On Sun, 07 May 2006 00:47:09 GMT, "Joe Horowitz"
<my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> wrote:
>"Dat" <dat_004 [at] yahoo.co.uk> wrote in message
>news:naip52duvvr48i4d2vh51a98hetf3ld2ae [at] 4ax.com...
>> Yeah, ok. Big Ron was cool, but besides him, what has Horowitz ever
>> done for us?
>
>I got Elvis to sing the theme tune for the SBL, and provide running
>commentary throughout the competition from beyond the grave. That was quite
>cool, wasn't it?
Alright, apart form Big Ron and arranging for The King to sing the SBL
theme tune and undertake commentary duties whilst trying to lose some
of that unsightly fat, what has Horowitz ever done for us?
>> Conversely, Portsmouth have only ever been represented on here by the
>> ever so slightly mad looking Harry Redknapp who it won't surprise
>> anyone to learn posted under the pseudonyms Skyjam and Stuart Vincent
>> as the mood took him.
>
>And Cypher. Never forget Cypher.
I've just had a word with Harry....he was still quite mad as it
happens. I tried to get him to confirm or deny whether he's ever
posted here as Cypher but someone kicked a ball at his head and it was
impossible to get him to focus on my questions after that.
--
Dat
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017603 ] |
Mon, 08 May 2006 08:13 |
|
On Sun, 07 May 2006 01:36:50 GMT, "Joe Horowitz"
<my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> wrote:
><snip hysterical rubbish re: Dat> I always believed in him and I put
>him straight into my first team for every game I managed.
And for that and so much more I thank you.
--
Dat
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017620 ] |
Mon, 08 May 2006 14:36 |
|
Sorry I missed this on Friday. But there'll be a whole load more WSCs
next season, so I won't be too downhearted. And I promise to contribute
like s fury, singlehandedly resurrecting the Glory Of Oh Two if need
be. Oh, wait. What? Shit.
> So, yeah, that's about it. WSC has been a pretty integral part
> of the froup for almost an entire decade but I think we'd all agree
> it's time to try something different. And, in a way, the SBL has
> already served as a replacement of sorts this season. Maybe
> we just need to come up with a format for newcomers to show
> what clever bastards they are, or something.
>
AWTWP. It really helped me to have a regular structure that I knew I
could contribute to every week; sometimes it would be my only post for
the week 'cos I didn't feel like I had anything else to say. I would
often spend the whole week thinking about what angle to use, then
promptly forget and spew rubbish instead.
Maybe a thread entitled "Show what clever bastards you are [050506]"?
Thanks for this WSC, Mikey, it was a fitting end to a great, lumbering
juggernaut of a tradition. Bonzer.
--
Gra
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017643 ] |
Mon, 08 May 2006 22:00 |
|
"Joe Horowitz" <my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> reduced the crowd to
uncontrollable tears by saying
news:Sac7g.231289$8Q3.117727 [at] fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk:
>> Everton vs West Brom
>
> I remember when TonyMac first burst onto the scene, I think it may
> even have been in the Lurker Day thread, and what a storming debut it
> was. Much better than mine. Or anyone else's. TonyMac's one of the
> only people ever on Youksef I like even more than me.
That's because I am you Joe. You've known it all along, it's like that bit
in Fight Club where the skinny useless bloke realises he's the hunky wide-
jawed pretty boy.
We are one and the same person. I am the Ming to your Chan, the phlegm to
your Crankshaw and that loveable little kneecap that likes to dislocate
itself every now and again.
> Utterly brilliant times.
Yes, yes we am.
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017669 ] |
Tue, 09 May 2006 06:15 |
|
On 8 May 2006 04:33:56 GMT, Osbourne Ruddock <strikeboy [at] hotmail.com>
wrote:
>Dat <dat_004 [at] yahoo.co.uk> wrote in
>> 0-4
>
>Fuxake Dat, did I pooh in your bed or something? You call me a ginger and
>then predict a score like that.
>
>Why do you hate me so much?
I'm not a gingerist, Os. Some of my best friends are fantapants.
Ginger nuts are one of my top five favourite biscuits of all time ffs,
and I used to live in a gingerbread house. True story.
I wouldn't take my WSC predictions too seriously. Some are for real,
but others are just to disguise what I'm doing in OzTips or Yahoo in
case the CIA are watching or something. On this occasion I think I had
it down for a draw and then realized I'd painted myself into a corner
with my Arsenalsookweb, which wasn't a genuine prediction either in
case I've upset James as well.
If it's any consolation, I lost the SBL because of you and your silly
Icarusesque team.
--
Dat
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017728 ] |
Wed, 10 May 2006 19:46 |
|
"Tony McChrystal" <tony.mcchrystal [at] hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns97BDD5A9121C0tonymcchrystalhotmai [at] 195.188.240.200...
> That's because I am you Joe. You've known it all along, it's like that bit
> in Fight Club where the skinny useless bloke realises he's the hunky wide-
> jawed pretty boy.
Yeah, with me presumably being the skinny pretty bloke, and you the hunky
wide-jawed useless boy. Makes sense now.
We make a pretty good me, really, don't we.
--
Joe
Pay it fast it will be great..!!!
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| Re: [WSC 050506] Misty Water-Coloured Memory WSC [message #1017732 ] |
Wed, 10 May 2006 22:50 |
|
"Joe Horowitz" <my_name [at] youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in
news:QFp8g.254953$8Q3.199819 [at] fe1.news.blueyonder.co.uk:
> Yeah, with me presumably being the skinny pretty bloke, and you the
> hunky wide-jawed useless boy. Makes sense now.
>
> We make a pretty good me, really, don't we.
>
I could never be someone called Tyler Durden. It just wouldn't feel right.
--
Cheers, Os
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